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10月22日 ciciit's been nearly 3 months since the last time i came on here ne.....nothing much to say, but i know a lot of you have asked my about cici (because i text spammed you guys)...
cici passed away last Saturday 20th October at about 2.50pm. we took her into the vets and put her to sleep. she's been really sick for the past month or so, one because she's getting really old, two because her tumour from her spleen was now in her liver, well, according to the ultra sound, there're multiple tumour in her liver and the vet suggested us to put her to sleep...however, cici didn't want to leave us just like we don't want to leave her, she stayed with us for nearly a month before she finally passed away...during the month, she's been very sick but has been recovering for a few days, then she goes very sick again...i guess time has finally came and she really can't keep herself healthy for us anymore..she became very sick since the beginning of last week and hasn't really recoevered...she have no strength in her back legs and hardly got up since...everytime she sees us coming downstairs she tries her best to get up and look at us, but she's really weak, she can't hold her head up for too long...i kept on telling myself and mum and dad that she's gonna recover just like before, it's just her cycle of up and down, but mum asked me why do i want to keep her when she's suffering...true, why would i? i called the vets on friday night and arranged the appointment to be at Saturday lunch time....i wanted the vet to come to my house, i want cici to fall asleep in her home, on her bed, surrounded by her familiar environment and have "her home" as her last view of this world...but the vet couldnt make it..i tried...but i can't let her be like this...i took her into the vet and watched the vet injected her...
just TWO seconds, the injection is still going in to her body, but just TWO seconds, she became so quiet, no moaning, not puffing, and not breathing.
just TWO seconds, she closed half of her eyes, but still looking right into me.
just FIVE seconds, the vet announce that she has passed away
but she never closed her eyes, still staring right into me. the vet told me that animals will not necessarily close their eyes when they pass away, but i know its because cici didn't want to leave
i always think to myself, did i make the right decision? did she really want to go and rest in peace? or is she trying her best to recover and stay with us? perhaps if i didn't call the vets she could've recoevered now and waiting for me downstairs?
i came home finding an empty space on her bed, all her blankets and beds are now folded and packed away by mum, but "her place" is still "her place", something big, lazy, dumb, sleepy and always hungry but something that i love is missing from my house, from my heart. i miss her so much. i can't stop thinking about her. i want to hug her, she's so unique to me. she's the one that stayed by me since i came to NZ till now, she shared my tears and my laughters, my crazyness and my happiness, she's the first one that i will go to every morning when i get up and everytime when i come home, i run towards her and scare her and wake her up when she's sleeping, she'll look at me all angry and sleepy and then ignore me and fall asleep again, i will hug her and kiss her and keep on annoying her till she finally moan then i will walk away... even just for few seconds, i just want to do all these crazy things again, i just want to wake her up and being ignored by her again. but she's not here anymore, she's gone forever |
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